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March 3rd, 2010

on the bright side

black and white
I don't really care. :D

That guy ended up inviting me over and we were having a great time, and it really seemed like he was flirting... then he brought up this girl from his old school 1000 miles away whom he likes and talks to all the time. Yay me. I got a bit irritated (gee, why, Blaire?) and talked to him about it, and he acted completely shocked that I thought he was "flirting." According to him, that's just how senior guys act around all of their female friends.



But whatever, it was completely comfortable again after a while, and he kept up his... non-flirting... the rest of the night. And nothing's really changed at school. But I don't care much either way to be honest... he's not worth worrying over if he's still after this other girl after all this time.

Meanwhile, one of my guy friends from another school and I have started talking again, and I'm really glad, because I missed him - he used to be one of my best friends. :)

February 27th, 2010


black and white
I know it's been forever, I haven't had much to write about. I kind of want to ask for some opinions/advice.

There's a guy in my chem class (please don't stop reading yet :P) who sits by me, and before this year I don't think I've ever met him. For the first few months of class I really didn't pay much attention to him. He seemed really shy, almost never talked.

I was in a really bad relationship; so bad that often I ended up crying at school. Once I was crying and I walked in and tried to take notes, sort of covering my face so no one would notice. But the guy, who probably had never talked to me, asked me if I was okay. I just told him I was fine, but it meant a lot to me - he was so shy and didn't even know me. It happened more than once. Eventually we started talking more. I guess a little flirting happened - just the joking, laughing-constantly kind, nothing suggestive. But I was still sort of in that relationship so I made sure nothing really happened.

The relationship ended a month ago. And I've started to realize how nice this guy is. And out of nowhere on Monday, I realized I actually like him. He is so nice and funny and to be honest, he has the sweetest smile of anybody I've ever seen. We became friends on Facebook, and Tuesday he messaged me and we started talking. We talked for a while, then he said he had to go, and asked for my phone number. Almost immediately after we got off, he texted me and we ended up texting on and off for a lot of the day. Wednesday from after school until nearly midnight, we were texting almost constantly. And during chem we talk a lot and are always laughing.

Thursday he wasn't in a good mood and I was joking around and ended up making him angry. I felt bad but later he told me on facebook it was no big deal. Then we had this really long, weird conversation. He asked me if I was dating anyone and I said no, then he asked why not. I said there aren't always options, and he said something like how you have to look where you might not expect because you never know. I mentioned that I never know how to tell, and he said the worst that can happen is rejection, and why not just try? The whole conversation went like this, and I thought it was going somewhere, but he never came out and said anything. I asked why he brought it up and he just said he thinks I'm cool and deserve a boyfriend. And... that's all.

Gotta love guys, right?

I decided to wait and see if he'd contact me on his own yesterday(Friday), but he never did... I ended up texting him around 8, but he was busy with something and we only exchanged a few messages.

So if someone is so eager to talk to you for a while, and then doesn't contact you on his own, is he definitely not attracted or could he still be? Should I leave him alone and let him do whatever? It definitely seems like he likes me when we're talking... hmm. I can't remember how any of this is supposed to go, my other relationship was for over a year. Maybe it seems like I'm acting too fast after getting out of that relationship. But that relationship was doomed anyway, we just needed the guts to officially end it. And I'm fine emotionally now.

Tags: ,

June 23rd, 2009

song meme

black and white
Stolen from hmsharmony 

Step 1: Put your iPod on shuffle.
Step 2: Post a line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist (or show :P) the lines come from.
Step 4: Strikethrough when someone gets them right
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

come with me, they'll call us revolutionariesCollapse )

May 7th, 2009

Some Countdowns

adrien brody
Days until brother comes home - 2
Days until the Spring Concert - 9 (Last time I'll perform with my oboe for the year :( )
Days until the Memorial Day Parade - 18 (I get to play my clarinet again! :D)
Days until the end of school - 27
Days until the start of my summer - 28
Days until I get my license - ?? (I asked mom to make sure she called the driver's ed place THISWEEK on Sunday... she didn't. Hopefully it'll happen around here though)
Days until the real summer starts - 45
Days until I turn 17 - 360

All for now. ^_^

April 25th, 2009

here's hoping to a GOOD day

Today's my birthday "party," if you want to call it - basically a movie day with friends. There will be cupcakes and other junk food, which I suppose helps with the party aspect. I hope it goes, and that everyone can come. I have a good feeling about it... my friends really aren't the dramatic type, and there are just a few coming - only my best guy friend, two close girl friends, and my boyfriend.

Only about a month left of school... I want it to end so much. Yesterday it was about 80 degrees, and after school my boyfriend and I spent more than an hour lying in a big grassy field near his house, just letting the sun shine on us. It made me remember how much I miss summer, and how much I want it this year more than I ever have.

I'm trying to make my computer run faster. I've deleted all the programs we can do without and gone through a zillion files; I've gotten the used memory down to a little over a fourth of the total capacity. I'm not noticing much difference in the running speed, though. Does anyone have suggestions? I've run a defrag a couple of times (in between mass cleanouts), but that doesn't seem to do much.

April 11th, 2009


black and white
       We're going to try.

       I know it's probably a bit silly, and it's probably going to be tougher than just giving up, but it's what I want to do. I feel a lot better about it now - even if it IS going to take time.

i don't know what to do...

adrien brody

       What happens when you're trying so hard to fix things that when you realize that it's not working, you're too exhausted to think of anything else?

       I can't figure out what to do. I've been trying and trying and I know - I think - he has too, but nothing's working. We're not working. I'm not sure what it is. For most of the five months we've been together, things were fine. And then they just started changing. We fight a lot, and sometimes it works out quickly, sometimes it doesn't - but never in a "fixed" way; it's more that one of us gives in and says "forget it." Usually it's both of us, to some extent. I care about him a lot - more than I ever have about anyone else - but I can't see this going on much longer. I cry far too much over it all, and sometimes - this is what scares me the most - I have moments where I just stop caring about what will happen. It's like without wanting to, I'm already giving up.

       So should I keep trying? Or is it time to try and let go? I don't know how much longer I can try to fix it. And I don't want to hurt him by dragging it out. I wish I had more experience in this...

January 30th, 2009

25 things

black and white
25 things about me. Post one in your journal too!

1. I love to write and I want to write for a living, but I've hardly penned a fictional word in months and I'm scared to death.
2. I think I'm in love but at the same time, it's hard to be sure. However, I am positive that I need him and my heart would shatter if he went away.
3. I'm sometimes scared of how people really see me. Lately I've had the worst self-esteem issues, and I just feel worthless.
4. I have crazy dreams, some of which scare me. The bad ones usually somehow reflect things I'm worried about or scared of but sometimes don't realize that I am.
5. The past couple of days I've been rearranging and going through everything in my room and I'm amazed at how much I've written. I have dozens of notebooks and hundreds of loose papers that really reflect a lot about my life when I wrote them, even though they're fiction.
6. I worry way, way too much.
7. Next to my best friend, who is nearly perfect academically and always scores those few points higher than me in everything, I sometimes feel worthless.
8. The Lord of the Rings movies have made me cry. It's usually from Sam and his amazing loyalty to Frodo... Sam's my favorite character purely because of that.
9. I love anything related to apples.
10. I don't care about most of his faults - love him more for them, even - but there's just the one that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to completely accept.
11. I cry way too much lately. I'm a walking fountain.
12. I've gone through periods of having amazing self-confidence and then, like now, times when I mostly hate myself.
13. None of my classes are really fun to me, yet I'm acing them all without much effort.
14. My coffee obsession died not very long after mom bought me a coffee maker last Christmas.
15. I will never, ever, ever be able to drop my habit of picking at/biting my nails. Ever.
16. I've never seen any of the Star Wars movies. I never will.
17. I get annoyed and I let it simmer. I try to get over it but it's difficult.
18. I hate being asked what's wrong when I'm upset, mostly by people who don't care but are just nosy.
19. I'm very sarcastic.
20. I looked up the symptoms of chronic depression and almost every one fits how I've felt for the past week or so.
21. Hopelessness is a really common feeling for me.
22. I want to be 16 so badly.
23. Maruchen is the best brand of ramen noodles (in my opinion).
24. I love the show 24 even though most of the gore in it makes me turn away and cover my eyes.
25. I'm afraid of change and not afraid of it at the same time.

January 27th, 2009

mission 101

the ones we love kate
I revised my 101 Things in 1001 Days list (original found here) quite a bit, and since I don't think I've even MENTIONED it here yet, I figured I'd post the updated list here, so people have an idea of what I'm up to. I'm asking to not be judged for this... some of these goals are pretty personal, but I'm posting them anyway.

Revised list...Collapse )
I'll be posting any updates on mission 101 from now on, aside from the occasional mention here.
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